Deep in the recesses of a Canadian mine, scientists found a pool of water believed to be between 1.5 billion and 2.6 billion years old. This water is so old that researchers think it's from back when that section of Canada was the actual ocean floor. And after theorizing that there may be lifeforms thriving within the water that are capable of living for billions of years independent of the sun, the geologists proceeded to drink that shit. One taster described the water as "very salty and bitter."
It's unclear what exact kind of eldritch horror the research team is destined to evolve into, but we'll get a better idea once their ventral polyps sprout up.
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Prison inmate hacked the TV in his cell
Was able to communicate with other inmates via the remote control.